Miku's Diary
by Playing-with-fire-again
Summary: Miku's writings of her and Luka's relationship over the years.
1. Chapter 1

12/25/20-

I watched her from the across the room tonight at a dinner party. She looked every bit as wonderful as she did in my dreams. Her voice was even more silken and soft. She sipped her wine glass, pinky out, and laughed. Then she made eye contact with me and I blushed more than I'd care to admit. She made a face at me, and I don't think it was meant to be mean, but her eyebrows made an arch and I wonder what kind of expression I made while admiring her. Maybe next time I should just say hi. Can't be that hard. I think. It'd be hard to approach an angel. I wouldn't know what to say. I think I'll just be content admiring from afar, never touching, always just glances. Maybe. She makes me so lightheaded I question just about everything. I'm not intimidated, I'm simply in love. And you know what Shakespeare said about love. He said it was blind. I think he was right. I'm blinded by her beauty. I'm blinded by her grace. I'm blinded by her elegance. I'm blinded by her movements. Soon, I'll be deaf as well.

1/31/20—

Today it snowed. There were an infinite amount of snowflakes in the air, but the only one I seemed to notice was the ones frosting her face, making her cheeks darken and her eyelashes drip water on face. We were so close I felt as though we were about to kiss. I knew she wouldn't kiss me, but she certainly set the atmosphere for it. It was almost painful. I wonder if she knows how painful it is. I think now I am deaf. She said something to me, but I was too lost in thought of her to remember what it was.


	2. Chapter 2

4/12/20—

She doesn't realize. She doesn't realize. She doesn't realize.

5/23/20—

I saw her holding hands with him again today after work. She said bye to everyone because they all congratulated her on their engagement. I didn't. I went to my desk and cried after hours, claiming I had more work than I knew what to do with. It's hard to smile. She'll never be mine. I don't want to live anymore. Remind me of something important, please.

6/14/20—

She came up to me and handed me the invitation. It was pink and it smelled like her perfume. It smelled like Iris and cinnamon. I've decided I will go. It's the last time I'll get to see her.

6/17/20—

Scenery outside my work is full of romance. There is this nice isolated park with flowers growing around the cement sidewalk. It has a little gazebo in the center. There is an artificial waterfall that I can hear all the time. They're kissing. Her pink hair is down and the wind is blowing it back. She's dipping her feet in the pond and they just cupped her face and smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

8/20/20—

My birthday was today. She brought in a little cake and they weren't here to spoil everything for me like they always did. I liked how she cooked. I like how she thought of me. Their wedding is next weekend. I have decided on my fate. I don't want to die, because it would eliminate every possibility to see her happy face over the years. I see her now in my head, grey hair, smiling and surrounded by grandchildren. I don't want to lose that opportunity, even if it doesn't include me. Even if the only way I can see her is surrounded by _their_ love and not mine. I can't lose that, diary. I just can't. For now, it all just hurts. Does it ever heal?

8/21/20—

She wore glasses today and they framed her face perfectly. I think she is perfect. She is ignorant and in love, but I suppose I am too. However, I think I could take a look around every once in a while unlike her. I'm mad at her, diary. For not realizing how I feel. One day I will tell her, I promise. The rest of the future is just utterly out of my hands.


	4. Chapter 4

8/22/20—

She came in to work today tear-stained. It looked almost as if she hadn't put on makeup or showered, but she was still beautiful. Her face was drenched in sweat, and co-workers came to her rescue because she collapsed on the floor. In the midst of all this, I saw her glance at me. It was a questioning look. I've seen _them_ look at me like that quite often as I stared at her. It was nothing new. Except it came from her. I wonder what she was thinking as she made that expression towards me. I wonder what I did to upset her like this. Her lover was absent today. I wanted them to fight. But I hate seeing her sad. I'm confused, diary. I am utterly in love with someone who could never return my feelings.


	5. Chapter 5

8/22/20—

Haha, oh diary. I'm dreaming, is all. I'll wake up soon. Such a vivid dream.

8/22/20—

Diary. I'm in bed and she is with me. This is the longest dream I've ever had.

8/23/20—

It's 1:00. She's sleeping but I'm not. She has tear streaks down her cheeks and bruised lips from where I kissed her until I couldn't breathe. Allow me to fill you in. She came to me after work. She didn't have her ring on. She never looked at me while saying this, but she admitted that she only realized the other night the way I looked at her and how she couldn't go on with this marriage knowing that I was in love with her. It was dramatic, diary. We're not going to work tomorrow, diary. We're going out. She is my love. She is mine. What a wonderful dream. This is a dream, right? Such a thin line between illusion and reality when you're intoxicated. I'm melting. I feel her heartbeat from where I'm sitting writing this.


	6. Chapter 6

8/24/20—

She is distant with me, diary. She doesn't respond to my touches. I'll check us out of the hotel tonight and ask her if she wants to stay with me tonight. I wonder how _they_ feel. I hope they know how I suffered. For years, I sat back and watched them steal every part of her from me. It's weird with us, now, diary. I want her to be happy, but she doesn't look or act it. Tell me what to do. I have no one else.


	7. Chapter 7

8/25/20—

She thinks things are moving fast. She told me this tonight at my apartment, brushing her hair out of her face, laughing softly. She looked utterly exhilarated. But she said she doesn't doubt our relationship, diary. She told me she couldn't let me go. It would be too painful to release me, and I told her I wouldn't find anyone else if she did. I told her I'd build a fort and be alone if I couldn't have her, and that was a promise. She's in my little island, and I am no longer alone. She invited me out to a proper date tonight. I'm ecstatic, diary. Right now she is curling her hair in the bathroom and I'm laughing as I write this. I think I will go in there and kiss her senseless. I'm unsure the way things have been going, but all I can do is stick by her side and never let her go.


	8. Chapter 8

8/26/20—

We went on our date last night. Its morning right now but I was I too exhausted to write in you afterwards. Well that, and after our date we… never mind that, diary. We both wore dresses out of excitement, except hers was high-end and mine was a cheaply made black little number. She laughed and told me this was crazy as we drove around, top off the car; she said it was like were teenagers and sneaking off after curfew. I laughed too. It felt nice. Diary, you already know this, but I'm in love with her. But… something doesn't make sense. I remember her at the dinner party 9 months ago, and she seemed- dare I say happier. There was a glow to her face that's faded now. What is wrong? Was she happier with them rather than me? My head hurts. I can't imagine it diary. I finally have her and then emotions take her away again. It's odd. I've always been adaptable to change, but this is unbearable for me. I will grab and hold her passionately, but she doesn't return the fire. It's almost as if I'm mixing flame with frost. I don't know what to do. And it's the same, I'm still blind and deafened by her. I still can't talk to her properly because it's hard to speak. But I'll catch myself up at midnight, staring at her, and reminding myself she's the only thing in my life I've ever truly needed. I drink water, breathe oxygen, but those elements don't give me the same amount of life she does. Words don't do it justice, diary. Some things in life can't be expressed properly. Love is beyond words. Love is blind.


	9. Chapter 9

8/26/20-

She's in the shower. I want to write more about our date. Something tells me I didn't give you enough information. We went to a carnival. It added to the youthful atmosphere. We felt odd, two lovers in short dresses wandering through the site of rides and young children. I was enthralled. So was she. It was night, and it had just rained. Everything smelled like mowed lawn. Except her, she smelled like Iris and cinnamon. We didn't ride on many rides and talked very seldom. I kissed her underneath the broken Ferris wheel and we ate cotton candy.

8/27/20—

Nobody is talking to me at work. They are all mad. I can't help it, diary. I overheard my co-workers say that the indent of her old ring on her finger made them sad. She choose me. What do they want from me, what do they want from me?

8/28/20—

She got a text from them today. It was scary. They said they've been planning something. We are both scared for our relationship. She told me she gave up everything for me and looked close to a breakdown. I'm sleeping closer to her tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

9/3/20—

Diary, I'm scared. They've been sending texts to her at night, always the same time, around midnight, saying they have a surprise for us. They haven't shown up at work for about a week, and if they keep this up, they'll be fired. Can't say I'm too worried about that right now though. I'm constantly on the edge, wondering if this will be that last time I will get to see her… or this time, or this time. I fear my sanity has gone on temporary leave. I know that sounds dramatic, diary but you can never tell someone's character until they've lost something important to them. And they certainly lost everything when she came to me. I'm worried about her and her safety more than anything, even my own. They scare me, diary. I don't know what this surprise is, but I keep contemplating what it could be to make sure we don't get hurt. I'm leaving my apartment tonight and moving. I don't have a choice, everything is so stressful right now. But I know one thing: I can't let her get hurt. I wonder if they're off the deep end now. We had a moment earlier today. She held me close early this morning, bare sunlight falling on our faces and her arms wrapped around my neck. She had her face to the side of me, but I felt a gentle heave and a single tear trail down my back.


	11. Chapter 11

9/5/20—

12:04 AM

I can't sleep. She is making weird restless noises in her sleep and turning. I don't want to wake her up, but I'm conflicted because I would want someone to wake me up from a nightmare. She's stirring. I'll get her some water.

2:47 AM

She fell back asleep after I kissed her and rubbed her back. For some reason, I can't bring myself to sleep. I have to protect her at all costs in case her ex tries to hurt us. They still have not shown up at work, and she is still getting those texts. I drank a couple cups of coffee and now my breath smells like dirt. I just leaned in to smell her hair, always the familiar scent of iris and cinnamon. Smells like all I ever wanted.

3:17 AM

My eyelids are so heavy. I have an arm around her and my brain is screaming at me to sleep, but I just won't listen. I continue to breathe her in, the simple element which gives me life.

4:09 AM

I'm not losing it. I hear some crackling near the front of our door and people are waking up in panic.

8:00

They burned it down. They burned it down. The fire was started when I got up to check and people were calling in the fire department. The first thing that came across my mind was anger, a red hot flash of burning rage, almost as red as the flames near to engulfing almost everyone who lived by and near us. Luckily, no one was hurt… I went to grab her, but she was already up. I had time to grab a couple of my belongings and so did she before escaping out the window (we live on the first floor, diary) and the fire department arrived. The sprinkler system helped our neighbors a little, but I guess it was an older system and the staff didn't think to replace it because they weren't anticipating anything like this. I'm in the bathroom crying because I feel like the only time I'm not losing my sanity is when I'm with her. She's waiting outside and the police are holding us for questioning. As we watched our two little room shelter burn, she wrapped her arms around me and cried. She looked in my eyes and said, 'we are in this together, and nothing can burn down the way I feel about you.' I remember this right now and I'll remember it forever, because even after just waking up, and a nervous wreck, she still came to me.


	12. Chapter 12

9/5/20—

9:00 AM

We showed the police the texts she'd been getting from them after a little reluctance by her. I got the feeling she was worried about them, even if they did just commit attempted murder. But I can understand that, after knowing someone all those years you don't want anything to happen to them. Love is blind. But I'm not so forgiving, all I care about is getting her ex-fiancé locked up so we don't have to deal with them anymore. After showing the police the texts, they were assumed to have probable cause to obtain a search warrant and drove to their house. My renters insurance covers the cost of a local hotel we'll be staying at tonight. I hope they know things will be a lot easier if they just _confess._ I really don't want to have to fight for our relationship anymore, but I might not have a choice, diary. I just wanted to live with her in peace. I've lost everything I owned. I've lost an old photo of my mom and all my clothes and furniture. I feel like this fire symbolized the passion I feel for her, and the destruction of a past relationship that was so important to them. It feels so strange to lose everything, except I still have the most important thing, something they won't ever get to take away from me. Her. I still remember those words she spoke to me after the fire's destruction. Hey diary, this reminds me of an old poem by Robert Frost. I guess it's within my nature to find references of literature for everything in my life. I should probably get going back to her know, so we can make plans on what our next step is.

10:00 AM

As soon as I stuck you in my pocket, she leaned in on me from the bench we were sitting on at the police station. When I leaned down to give her a kiss, I saw a pain in her eyes so immense I felt it for myself. It wasn't the type of pain you experience when you're having a bad day, or someone looked at you maliciously, it was the kind of pain you feel when you only have one thing left, and that one thing was almost pulled out of your tiny, fragile hands.

"Luka," I whispered. "As long as you're with me, everything will be alright. I love you more than words can express and there's not a chance I'll let any more harm befall us."


	13. Chapter 13

9/6/20—

We stayed the night at a begrimed local hotel. The police called us early this morning and put them under arrest after finding evidence of stalking and pyromania paraphernalia. She look saddened by this news, told me that when they were together she never would have thought this of them. On the train ride to work this morning she asked if I ever regretted her coming to me. It was a shock and I didn't know what to say, I mean isn't it obvious I _never_ would have regretted having the person I love fall in love with me, too? She didn't ask any more questions after I shook my head. Our relationship is getting slightly bumpy. We're under stress from work, isolation with co-workers, and her parents still don't know about us yet. She is becoming depressed, I can see it. I feel like sometimes, she forgets she has me. I feel like the real question is whether or not she regrets coming to me. I know she's in love with me, I feel it between us. But there's no denying we're a pair of star crossed lovers and though I don't believe in fate, I feel like something is out to get us.


End file.
